I found out that an old friend passed away last week. We were very close about ten years ago, lost touch, later I heard that his life became very troubled.
We were actually acquaintances for years, then became friends when I was going through a really hard time. We had a lot of fun. He could be so kind and funny, but always thought he was awful, and not worthy of good things. Our lives changed and we drifted our separate ways. For a few years I would see him around the neighborhood.
It's funny, I can still remember some moments we spent together so clearly, ten years later. The Christmas he took me to spend with his family so "the first Christmas after" would be spent in a new place. His parents drove us around to look at the Christmas lights, like we were kids. A random shopping trip to Ross. The night forever known as The New Year's Eve Janice Drank Champagne Straight Out of the Bottle. The day after "TNYEJDCOOTB". Taking cabs everywhere (I never take cabs, too cheap, I take the bus).
I guess I already did a lot of grieving for him, when I heard about all his troubles. So the sadness I feel isn't acute. But it's there, and sneaks up on my in quiet moments, like this.